In man’s ongoing war against the mole, it appears the moles are still winning. That’s according to entrants in to the second annual “I Hate Moles Because…” contest, sponsored by Sweeney’s, a St. Louis-based maker of mole control products.
More than 300 people penned their worst “mole wole” stories this summer, sharing tales of strategic campaigns designed to return lawns across America to their rightful suburban beauty. This year, the winning entry was a poem, “’Twas the First Day of Spring,” and recounts one woman’s dismay as she steps outside one spring day only to discover her beautiful grass is gone. Distressed, Brenda, from Cheasapeake, Va., writes:
The tunnels and mounds, made by moles and voles with care,
Were running in all directions, chaos and destruction everywhere!
And what to my wandering eyes should appear?
But chewed up plant bulbs, and holes far and near.
Based on careful analysis of all the entries, several trends became glaringly obvious. Mole alleviators are a highly creative group, but demonstrate some distinct universal traits. Most mole campaigns begin calmly, based on sound reason and thorough Internet searches. However, clear thinking all too often gives way to more desperate measures, including flooding, gas fumes, shovels, gum, weapons and even installing an in-ground pool to replace the yard.
“Clearly, no one has an exact answer about how to get rid of moles. Because they’ve never been rigorously studied, even scientists have difficulty identifying clear-cut solutions in all instances,” says Stewart Clark, technical director at Sweeney’s. “At Sweeney’s, we’ve assembled an arsenal of mole control products that have proven effective for most homeowners. We’re also conducting extensive research to improve our understanding of these forgotten underground pests and developing new and even more effective products to keep them out of our lawns. Our message to homeowners is: We’re here to help.”
As for the contest entrants, Sweeney’s is helping them solve their mole woes. Winner Brenda Tolson received a $500 gift certificate to Lowe’s, and ten runners-up each won a large gift basket overflowing with Sweeney’s mole control products.
For complete copies of the winning entries, visit www.wrsweeney.com/ihatemoles.