Talking it out

Dave Mitchell feels confident in saying that over the course of your lifetime, you’ll meet a group of people that “fundamentally irritate the piss out of you.”

Mitchell, a keynote speaker at Lawn & Landscape’s Top 100 event in Nashville, told attendees that people sometimes meet others and instantly know they’ll get along. Statistically, Mitchell said this happens roughly 25% of the time, while another 25% of the time, “you say to yourself, ‘You know, you might be the antichrist.’”

That estimated arithmetic leaves 50% of interactions to be somewhere in between, where good communication comes in waves. Mitchell would know: He's the founder of The Leadership Difference and has authored books on understanding people, yourself and peak performance culture.

To find success, he said leaders need to find ways to improve those numbers and make it so that great initial connections with people goes from 25% to closer to 50% or even 75%.

“That to me is the leadership difference,” he says. “Those are the people that excel most in life.”

PRIVATE ISLANDS. While Mitchell says there’s always going to be a subset of the population you can’t quite figure out, a good starting point is recognizing we all have our own cognitive schemas.

In short, cognitive schemas are how we analyze and process information. Our brains take the information provided to us and use past experiences to influence our reactions. For example, a baby isn’t likely to react to a bouncy ball being thrown its way, but after a while, children learn to try and catch the ball, dodge the ball or at least flinch.

READ MORE: Our Top 100 event also featured Dr. Jermaine Davis | Which companies made our 2021 Top 100 list?

Another instance Mitchell offered was how an American traveling in Europe might react to driving on the left side of the road rather than the right. But the experiences don’t need to be so jarring – we all install different schemas based on countless interactions we have with our environment.

“In other words, we are all delusional – we are all living in our own private island,” Mitchell said. “Two people can have exactly the same experience but walk out with different cognitive schemas. How are we able to communicate at all when we are living in our own delusion?”

KNOWING THE SCORE. Mitchell said that because of our own schemas, we might have difficulties interacting with certain people. He handed out an assessment at the event that can be found here, so attendees ranked themselves on several categories and tallied their scores below. Questions on the assessment tasked attendees with ranking themselves on a scale of “1” on the answer that best matches the statement, with “4” being the lowest score.

The lowest scores meant attendees most identified with those personality traits. Here’s what the scores meant:

 A: If the lowest score came in this category, the attendee was an Expert.

• They are very detail-oriented and thorough in research, and they hate to make mistakes.
• They’re notoriously flat in their expressions and can be tough reads while communicating with them.
• They’re often risk averse and take measured, calculated responses.
• They thrive when they feel secure, but even small changes quickly become unpalatable.

B: If the lowest score came in this category, the attendee was a Romantic.

• They often sacrifice their own needs in favor of the needs of others.
• They could be considered “people pleasers” and are diplomatic, tactful and experience confrontation more emotionally than others.
• Communication is more indirect – the real meaning is hidden behind the tone.
• They want to be appreciated for their sacrifices.

C: If the lowest score came in this category, the attendee was a Mastermind.

• Their prevailing theory is that, “if it ain’t broke, break it.” They are innovative and naturally entrepreneurial.
• They like to try new things and quickly tire of routines, so mistakes don’t bother them at all – that’s how they learn.
• They have several things going on in their brains at once, and may even be multitasking in their heads while talking with you.
• They’re enthusiastic and often have a short attention span.

D: If the lowest score came in this category, the attendee was a Warrior.

• Unlike the Romantic, they’re not out for world peace – they’re out for total domination. They’re more logic-oriented rather than emotionally oriented.
• Their worlds are based on the value achieved from set goals and they like to get to the desired result as quickly as possible.
• Things that take them off the most efficient path become irritating. Subsequently, things like small talk and unnecessary conference calls are the worst.
• Communication is often short and to the point, even if they’re not trying to be rude.

HITTING THE RIGHT BUTTONS. Acknowledging those personality differences is not necessarily the outright solution to communication problems, but Mitchell said keeping that perspective in mind is helpful. Once you can properly figure out what personality traits matches with the person across from you, Mitchell said you can strategize on how to deal with them.

This can be particularly helpful in managing clients. Romantics, Mitchell said, want a professional who will empathize with them. Meanwhile, the warriors want a professional who can just get it done on time without bothering them. The experts will ask questions and want to work with someone who offers detailed, accurate information. On the other hand, the masterminds want a professional who offers a unique experience; for landscaping, they want their lawns to look different from everyone else’s.  

Mitchell said these differences are not a matter of right or wrong.

“These are not opposites,” he said. “They’re just different styles.”