A few weeks ago my neighbor Dan, and I, were engaged in one of our routine philosophical conversations. I asked him, “Who is the happiest person you know?”. We talked of the people we knew, frequently coming up with the same answer; “She’s not,” “He’s not,” “Not her,” “Not him,” and so on.
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Wow! Who is happy? After a few minutes we both looked at each other, and in unison, said “Charles.” Oh course, my 4-year-old son.
So here we are with our IRAs, DVDs, Ford 4X4s, new house additions, vacation homes, new haircut/hair implants, new improved bodies, our worked-hard-for reputations, trophies and awards, and the question still remains, “Why am I not happy?”
Who is the happiest person you know? Perhaps it’s a child. I’ve been speaking to groups across the country about the qualities of 4-year-olds and why they are the happiest people I know.
What can we learn from 4-year-olds?
Laugh a lot. Four-year-olds laugh more than 300 times a day, and we’re lucky to laugh seven. Laughter has been shown to reduce stress, promote divergent thinking and health. Have you ever laughed till you cried? How did you feel?
Present. Four-year-olds live in the moment. Most of our stress comes from all the worry we have over things that have happened or things we think will happen. We can learn from children to live in the moment.
Creativity. Did you know we were nine times more creative when we were 4? It’s not about learning creativity, it’s about getting rid of the barriers such a thinking there’s one right answer, fear of failure, the need to look good, and believing we are not creative, that keeps us from using our creative ability to the fullest.
Not caring what people think of us. We could be much happier if we learned not to be dependent on the opinion of others. When we were young we danced to dance, sung songs for the joy of singing and had fun for the fun of it. Trying to impress the world is a never-ending task that brings at best only temporary relief. Not thinking anything is wrong with us. Children believe there is nothing wrong with them. I recently asked a group of five year olds, “Who can sing?” Every hand went up. I then asked, “Who can paint a picture?” All hands went up again. That same afternoon when I proposed those questions to a group of adults, only 10 percent of adult hands were raised. What if you woke up tomorrow morning and lived your day as if nothing was wrong with you.
Several months ago, Charles and I were flying to Duluth, Minn., and we hit some pretty rough turbulence. We were buckled in and the adults on the plane reacted to the bouncing plane with gasps, gritting teeth and white knuckles. Charles, without thinking twice, threw his arms in the air and shouted excitedly, “Weeeee!”
I looked at the so-called “normal” responses of the adults and decided to join Charles. We both were having a blast riding the roller coaster in the sky, when a lady across the isle was not only scared to death but she stared at us and said, “What the hell are you doing?” The Insanity of Adulthood. Did she realize that none of us other than the pilots had any influence over whether or not the plane landed? Further, does gritting our teeth, swearing and frothing at the mouth help us to be more effective in our work? How about our stress level? Blood pressure? What about all those wonderful things that make us age prematurely?
Here are some tips for lowering our stress, and learning to take ourselves less seriously:
Worry is non-productive. Studies show that 93 percent of everything you and I are worried about right now is in the past or is something we think may happen. Seven percent is actually stuff we can do something about. Make a list of everything you’re worried about and cross off the items you have no control over, you’ll be surprised. Don’t waste your energy/life worrying about things you cannot control.
Laugh at yourself. Something flies out of your mouth while you’re talking in front of the legislators, a perfect time to comment on your need for legislation that would lock you up for such behavior. Laughing at yourself allows others to laugh with you.
Be Present. How many times are you eating dinner and thinking of dessert: You just missed presently enjoying the delicious prime rib or for you meat-eating vegetarians, tofu a la king. By living one moment at a time, breathing and focusing on the task at hand, we can free up lots of energy and start enjoying what is, not what will be or not.
Let go of the outcome. Outward Bound has a motto: Show up, be present, speak your truth and let go of the outcome. We get so attached to thinking that when “this” or “that” happens, I’ll be happy. We have all kinds of expectations that contribute to our happiness. Have you heard the line “Life is what happens while you’re making plans?” Remember that 4-year-old, his happiness is not invested in the outcome; he is fully engaged, happy and fulfilled in the present/process. The outcome is a bonus. Now, that’s living.
Craig Zablocki has been a speaker at several green industry events. He can be reached at mail@positivelyhumor.com or 303/830-7996.